my new hero

i wanted to publish this bonus post to let you know i have not lost hope.  someday i will meet the man of my dreams who feels the same about me.  even if i am pushing 90.  or maybe in a nursing home.  this is how i picture it.  go get 'em, grandma.

there were warning signs.

has a guy ever thown a warning sign at you?  and maybe you ignored it?  ladies!  i'm here to tell you.  DO. NOT. IGNORE. WARNING. SIGNS.  especially if they are readily hurled at your head like a brick.  i'm going to start a list for all of you to use as... i don't want to call it a "bible" per se... so i'll say guidelines.  if he exhibits any (or god forbid more than one, or even the dreaded all), RUN!

 
FLEE!  as fast as your legs will carry you, whatever the length, for goodness sakes, abandon ship!!

(please don't sue me, LOLCATS, where this picture is from)

GET OUT!  BY ANY MEANS YOU CAN! 

okay, without further ado, i present to you THE LIST:
-he is unable (unwilling) to introduce you to friends
-he is unable (unwilling) to introduce you to family
-he spells your name wrong (if you have a new relationship, and very exotic name, you can disregard this one -seriously)
-if he does not have a good relationship with his mother and/or female relatives
-he tells your own hilarious stories back to you, but claims they "happened to him too" when you call him out 
-if he shows up at your work so much that you have to ask your manager to ban him
-if he doesn't like animals (this doesn't mean he has to be willing to tongue kiss your pet labradoodle, but if he mistreats animals, he would most likely mistreat a person)
-never ever if he "works under the table" - it usually means he doesn't work and likes it that way
-he is more curious whether they make your 4" heels in his size than how they look on you
-you know more about his ex-girlfriend than you do about some of your friends you've known since grade school
-he is over the age of 26 (i am being generous here), still lives with his parents, and his room has not changed since he was 16 (a very good friend suggests eliminating him from your dating pool if he lives in his parent's basement)
-he can't remember the name of some of the people he's slept with.  and he thinks that's funny.
-he tells you in advance that his future plans (for say 10 years or so) will not include you
-there is a chance he has many, many children 
-HE IS UNWILLING TO GIVE YOU A TITLE AND/OR INTRODUCES YOU TO HIS FRIENDS AS "A FRIEND"

*UPDATE:  oh my lovelies, i fear i have hit a nerve with this blog article.  i have gotten a lot of responses, including:
-being evasive about his life
-telling too MUCH about his life too soon
-if he drinks too much
-trying to push for too serious too fast
-staring at other women while talking to you


and my favorite: "if he has a  ponytail down to his @$$, weighs 250 and tells you you'd look great on the back of his Harley... nekkid". (thanks, mom)

ladies, please please feel free to add to this list.  rest assured i will come back and add more guidelines as i recall them or new ones reveal themselves to me... 

in the meantime, i've thrown in the towel on dating.  at least for now, or until the thought of it no longer gives me hives.  i'm going to move here, and you're allllll welcome to join me.  do me a favor, and leave the men at home.