i got $3.95 that says you'll put out.

remarkably, i haven't had much luck dating in this city.  it's actually really hard to meet people sometimes, even when you're surrounded by them.  when a guy followed me down the train platform, i ignored him like i always would.  but this one (we'll call him "captain confident") was persistent.  he asked me if i lived around here, what i was up to, how my weekend had been.  i ignored some of the questions, but coyly answered a few others.  he seemed relatively harmless in a somewhat chubby, short, nerdy kind of way.  he walked with me about 10 blocks, making somewhat sad small talk.  finally, he admitted that he'd walked 10 blocks out of his way in the rain just to talk to me.  i was somewhat flattered, so when captain confident offered me his number and said "that way, you can call or text if you want to, but don't have to give me your number right away if you don't want to"... i took it.  my inner voice was crying "YOU FOOL", but i squashed it into silence with a sugar coma induced by a nutella and banana sandwich.

a couple weeks and 3 beers later, i decided to text captain confident.  we sent a few messages back and forth during the week.  on sunday, he asked if i wanted to meet for watermelon icees.  it was hotter than the inside of a hot pocket outside, and i figured he couldn't incur full creepyness in full daylight on a sunday.  oh, how i was wrong...

we met outside the predetermined icee place, and exchange a few, awkward greetings before heading inside.  after purchasing the watermelon icees (which were admittedly delicious), he suggested we go for a walk.  not two seconds after we set foot into the boiling lava hot sunlight, he tried to kiss me.  not a sweet kiss.  not a kiss on the cheek.  he was going in for a nasty smacker right on the piehole.  it happened in slow motion, and i swear i saw my life flash before my eyes.  i said, "i'm sorry.  this isn't going to work for me.  i forgot the thing... i have something... yeah.  i have to go home now."  i couldn't even make up an excuse.  but i did drink my watermelon icee on my walk home.

lesson for guys: buying a girl a watermelon icee does not mean she will put out for you.